Home... Never ever leave you again. <3

I always over confident and told to my friend to get the best result for my degree level studies. Putting so much of expectation and hopes before I came to the places that are only belong to Caucasians and Europeans. 

Landed, unbelievable when stepped on the floor. Saw the people with blond hair, talked with British English with their conversations. Yeah, this was all the dream that I've been dreaming of however, I will never better than them, gave up myself when knowing this is all the task and mission that I must overcome. 

I will remained silence even though they repeats trampled on me.. Sad and disappointed about all the story that really does happened on me and I can't do anything to console myself. Being so speechless ever since I'm here.. No friends are around me. No more... 

Suffering from examination and coursework last few months. 

Been giving myself so much excuses to stop my pace," I'm not going to move on, I need to stop right there. Just give up.. Stumbling rocks everywhere". Hurt my loved ones and I know they will not give up on me even though I disappoint them. 

Been sacrificed so much of time to spend on my revision yet wasted the time just like opened the water pipes and let the water streamed endlessly. 

Tried to study as much as possible before entering the exam hall. This is what we called death throes. prayed for so many times before entering the exam hall.

Crying for the papers when returned to my room. Scolding and regret on myself that not doing my best during the examinations and blamed everything that I ever could.

Recently, prayed hard and hoped for the best outcome of my test results, but just feel too worried on everything. Talk to my loved ones with thorns and hurt them (...The evil of sarcasm). Please accept my apologies on hurting you and condemn me if you really do.

But yes, with blessing of God. Now, have so much of freedom and will summon back to my home sweet home. My parent, that I can't wait to see them, my sister that willing to be my listeners and hear all ridiculous thingy... And the very last... friends.. I've been waiting for months to share my experiences with you. Yes you, I mean you.. 

Now then, I'm happy and able to say,"I'm officially graduate". No more books or journals that will haunt me for years.. I am what I am. 

You had my blessing if you read this... :)

God bless.

Post cultural shocked.

More than seven months I've stayed in Bristol, eighty percent culture adapted. Only two things that make me feel catastrophically unbelievable, which are smoking and high volume from speaker. As far as I know, lung cancer still remains at TOP 5 UK worse prognosis disease and high death rates. I was wondering what about deaf?

I'm treating them good in such a way that I'm not complaining to the security about the sound pollution that released from speaker, in return, I still can hear more louder and louder music besides my room after I requested to lower down the music. Is that mean you're showing your true colour? Finally? 

I bet you guys will never experience the obstacles that will turn you from childish into mature. Yeah I mean you, whites. Come on, you old enough and should behave like a man not a boy. Isn't it straight forward very common in whites? From the past, people always have some kind of positive imagination where lots of "gentleman" in UK. To be honest, well yeah there is gentleman in UK but only about thirty percent because over seventy percent of the guys are idiotic and act like babies craving for lactational milk.

I shouldn't have this blog updated because I need to concentrate on my revision, however, no one will revise their note more than twelve hours a day. Now I couldn't sleep as melatonin elevated and adrenaline raised as well. Adrenaline levels raised dramatically not for revision, is my coming examinations. 

Tough or tougher?

It is 11th March, March? I didn't even notice it was March since 4 assignments and one presentation had haunted me since February. How you guys? Sorry for keep you waiting...

Indeed, while I'm writing this post, my project is still halfway done. And guess what deadline fall on next Tuesday which left 2 more days for me to get the hell project done. I've been gone through many sadness and cried for whatever I'm suffering, I've been incredibly worry about what coursework marks do I have and how to tackle the final exam only to pass my modules?

It is definitely different marking system in United Kingdom compare to our "lovely country" Malaysia. What can I say about the education system in Malaysia? Well I'm not allow to do that since election is around the corner. Erm.... Shall I working after graduate or stay at home to have few months of honey moon mood while waiting for the resume accepted by employer?

Time flies, waiting the Europe trip with my friends and of course souvenirs for my loves one. My journal in UK will be end in July, happy for summoning back to my home sweet home; sad? Yeah sad for not having the lovely 4 seasons weather. Probably the next time when I'm here, neither postgraduate studies nor working, but again say Hi to the building that I seen before; go through again the pedestrian path that I walked before; snapshots on the passing cars before the traffic light turns red; have my white chocolate mocha again with plain croissants; how lovely is the life in UK beside the studies that have tremendous terrifying us for about a year.

To be honest, I'm sad for leaving UK in July... What about you? Are you happy in your Country?... Will update soon, I shall returns. :)

Pray hard, fingers crossed

I've been stayed in Bristol since last week, jet lag? No. Homesick? Yeah a bit. Adapt to culture? Not really. Food? No comment. Course modules? Arghh, when is final exam going to end.. Indeed, I shouldn't be complaining all those and shall adapt very smoothly... I should know that the course modules will be tough since third year entry and all the Professor and Doctor expect you know everything with no difficulty. Exceptionally, can I boost up all my basics before going to start those level three modules?

I'm really frustrated on those with discrimination on Asian who direct entry to third year. What else you want me to do? Three years in UK? Yeah if I born in rich family like you of course I wouldn't be here to studied with you guys and don't expect you'll to accept me in the class. You can voice up I don't mind but please don't use your discrimination eyes look on me. Is very disgusting, I know you guys must be thinking what proof to let you entry to third year level, well I've completed my Diploma studies and collaborated between my college and university, simple as that.

I've been dreamed off to come to UK and yeah succeed. But still I've treated with unexpected and disappointed by some people. Isn't it UK is a lovely country with nice British people? Why still some of discrimination and racism still existed? My flatmates treat me so nice and finally I've relieve from bad circumstances that I had faced.. I hope the next few months I can adapt everything including my studies.

This blogged is designed to my friends with name Tinaye and Emily who studied with me together during our college time. I finally realized how hard to be an international student and have to withstand all the tough time as well as depression and it is not easy to study in foreign country as what we think. Wholeheartedly I have to apologize with both of you if I've did anything or said something that cause depression or sad.. Forgive me my friends. I hope both of you doing great and keep in touch with me even we're in different country. Do remember our friendship will keep going and bonded strongly...

Prayed hard for you and for my studies...

Ruthless theory

Account of so many obstacles and troubles that I had faced, realized where I'm a new generation or creation of god known as imbecile. Realistic of this world is the fact, why am I still ignorant? Existed of few kinds person in this world, hard working, lazy, lazier, and laziest. All around me is what I mentioned as laziest person. They just know belated efford and never think of others? What kind of idiotic people are they? Hope you guys condemnation yourself and don't for those who not.

Besides, our new generations spoilt by their parent and this getting worse. All the kids can get what they want but not with hard works to achieve their goals? Reap without sowing best described them. Why the parents still unrepentant and spoil their kids? Guys, wake up now? There's no time for you to think in future or whatsoever solution can transform back your well-behaved children, you need to start bring them back to the right way but not unstoppable to satisfy their needs. This is not the right way. Perhaps, all the parents need psychiatrist for treatment and not submit zero depression as their answer on question papers.

Indeed, we need to find out the solution by ourself but not be dependant person. There's some circumstances that we do need your helping hands on our doubt or any other difficulty. Make yourself available on others is not a big deal. Perchance you will be thankful by the one who in needs or more than that. Unstoppable complaints is irritating but I really can't stands for it. Release my tension and imbalance mood on writing on blog has help me a lot. But I really need attention from all the parents and eldest, please know what you doing and amend yourself clearer not to do the wrong things infinite. In that way, proved end of this world not because of doomsday but children and elderly.

Time leap..

Tuesday, 06th July 2011, 11.30pm. Im so lost at this moment, too much of baffle has stop me from moving. I'm helpless and palpitation, will I be able to move on or just stop my pace. I really want to carry on my journey though.

Wake up day after day, occurance on same matter. Find an alternative routes to solve my obstacles? Arghh... god please cleave the barrier for me. I don't want to face the same problem every day. Is just gonna make me getting crazier and crazier.

Just look back on my biochemistry notes. Was so shocked that I forgot those essential points that should be locked inside my brain but unfortunately it simply lost just by using an invisible key. Perhaps, my chicken essence should help me from now since last week I've started to consumed. hehe

Well, should stop typing now. Hands getting sore. Will updates my blog sooner or later.

friendship forever~

Last saturday, my high school friend called me out for gathering. Many humorous incidents happened such as..

he had labyrinth all the way came to my house. Perhaps I provide a terrible guide (=.=''')

met another funny guy... can't believed he sang english songs... guess who?

when for snooker where I just sat there for nothing while watched them playing.

we went for singing and enjoyed what we sing and what we laugh..

During the time in snookers club, many happy moments that I had during my life in high school (5Sc2) were flashed back on my mind for a sudden. I keep looking on both of them, I felt so happy that our friendship will just get bonded strongly but not repelling each other. I knew that from time to time, most of us will be study in somewhere else and some of us will be working so hard. [craving for money to buy our desire items??]

Meanwhile, I feel so excruciation and sad about leaving you guys for pursue my studies in this September. Should thee remember me or not remember but please... don't break any communication tools or applications that I still can follow up your life whether you at where, happy, sad, or whatever..

Is June 2011. Which means I left two more months to gather with you guys. I hope that's enough for me to meet you all. Not much of extravagant hopes I have now, just hoping our memories can keep forever in our mind [crossed fingers]. I don't know whether you guys will erase the memories and throw into your trash can. Nevertheless, I don't want and will not do it..

You guys must be wondering where I continue my degree, well I will going to study in University of the West of England. If you miss me much, pay a visit to UK during Winter Season. I'm please to meet you up and again create lots of delighted memory as much as possible.. hehe.. Do drop me a comment as I want to know that you guys still following my blog with expectance.

Heart's being complicated

Somtimes, I would think that this is impossible,

am I fall in Love with you or just my illusion?

Just by heart, things I want to share first will be you?

As arrange, if we fall in love with each other...

friend>lover>argue>friend>Stranger?

I'm worry we will become stranger if we break up from lovers. No more friend?

And I have so many things to worry about, I'm very anxiety.

If I go to UK, will you still be waiting for me? Or you will..

What feeling you have on me? Do you fall in love as i do?

I still don't know how to tell you, I scare you couple up with another guy.

Unexpectedly you fall in love with another guy, Maybe I will just bless you?

This is the first time my feeling is so unstable and unexplain.

Perhaps I not romantics like others but once I fall in love with you,

I will care what you care, I will sad if you sad, I will happy if you happy.

I affraid the feeling towards you will be deplete since distance always cause problems..

I really want to know your feeling on me? In love or just remain friend? At least I hope I can know before I going to uk.

Decision?

I am tired of waiting, with your cool treatment i gain nothing. What i tell to you i told, and result is i felt that you're just play me around and dumb me like a rubbish into the trash can. I am enough of waiting. Now i just want to expel you out of my heart, because i enough of hurting myself waiting an impossible answer. No pain no gain right? Fine.

I don't know how to explore out my feeling now. I really scare what i choose is wrong and hate to have regrettable thinking. What the hell are you in my life. Now get lost and fuck off now, get out of my sight; and i hate myself being so stupid and cowardly and just sacrifice everything for you and you dare to treat me this. What the fuck, i really get pissed-off when i heard about you this few days.

I am going to forget you and start my new life that chase you out of my heart and forever ever in my life. You see, i will do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Confusion~

It's been a time that we talked together, played together, joke together or even study together. I missed those secondary school life much. I missed those day kai wei Argued or fought with Chong lee, i missed those day that we joke around and teased around. Last few day i saw Kitz and Satish, not much changed for them i think. Is just become more mature?

Friends, just a words that tell you a close relationship between people to people; i wish i could summon to the gathering that all of us enjoy together and recall our memories in secondary school life...

My entire brain gone mad and bonkers which related to the one who i like, I couldn't forget you and how am i going to suffle my feeling towards you and delete it!! I cannot make it. Because when closed my eyes, all i thinking is about you. I am tired of it, with your slovenly motion i started to get sick of it.

Can you tell me what i can do now? How to solve the barrier between you and me? Or as i mentioned delete my feeling toward you?? Tell me!!!!!!

My life, my fate...

Living in a very restlessness place is very tired and exhausted, too much to consider in my mind now and plenty of task need me to solve it within the time limit. I am in love with someone that not suppose to in love with. Am i?? I doesn't know how to differentiate which one is true which one is false. And want you to love someone is easy but someone to love you is difficult.

Am i suppose to stop thinking of this person and goes on my life? Who i care the most and i want you to know? But you treat me as nothing... I think i should stop thinking of those unpredictable matter. Im not going to love you anymore.. No more!!!!

I really doesn't know how to differentiate which way is correct for me to go on. And i believe once i choose this way, majority of my family member, friends and so on will leave me.. I really don't want this to happen, but.. I can't force myself to choose this way.. How am i suppose to do now? Although back to my home sweet home yet still care about all this kind of matter. I really confuse plus couldn't forgive my self. I am hoping an angel to consult me and lead me to the right path.. Really confuse~~~

To much changes...

Within few weeks, a lot of thing happenened and all the matter just keep changed and changed. And my college life seems to be come to an end. I left 4+months in nilai. Gonna miss all my coursemate and friends in nilai. All of them will further their study in oversea and some seems to study pharmacy and some further in biomedical science. With our science base can we further in biomedical science? Unless you're genius aren't you? More and more friend keeping leave me and went to further their study.. I wish i could fly back to Taiping as soon as i can to gather with them and at the same time tell them:'' Congratulation to you, must be nice to enter Government University??>.<''.

Before they offer to enter Government University, most of them enter Utar.. What a joke? Utar is just the shelter for them.. Whatever it is.. Just hope all of them can finish their study smoothly. Wish i have a potion which can stop growing myself, and not face so many obstacle... So frustrated with all the assignment and homework especially Malaysian study and Moral study... Guess what? Same lecturer for both subject.

And this semester i will try my best to boost up some CGPA although that's impossible.. But nevermind, think positive.. ''If you think you can, you can!!'' Quite a time i left out my blog.. Now just carry on my blog once i've time to spend on it....

My story this few weeks~~

Today have some free time to write my mood over last few weeks... As i doing my internship in general hospital, finally i can compare the way the staff doing work. When i was in gribbles, i get one meaning, receive sample run eventhough only have one sample, whereas in general hospital the will do the test follow by their mood. Aren't they should do the test once receive the sample? Do the staff knowing that the patient waiting for the result's with worried? The patient could die for some test that doesn't run within the time.

Not to said the staff totally not running the test, is just that if the time is around 1.00pm, as we know that 1.00~2.00pm is our recess time, they will just simply put the sample aside and after lunch time will run the test, and the lunch time on-call staff only 1~2 person, how do i work for general hospital in future?

Time pass very fast, without notice us and is the time for me to decide what i gonna do after complete my diploma level. Should i continue my degree in local or oversea? And is there any oversea university accept my bad result in order for me to persue my degree? Im quite worry for my friend after getting their result and doesn't want to continue their study just because of the stupid STPM results.

''We are born to be clever, but education make us stupid''. This sentense is quite useful in Malaysia as the irresponsible school or form teacher only concentrate on the distinction class and not even border about moderate class, reality of this world really cruel. We should appreciated what we have now and try to gain our knowledge as much as possible.

In this moment i just want go back my home and having a enjoy life because home is our best shelter ever. I want to meet my best friend before they are leaving to university or working.. Weikang, ,Linkeng, Ah boon, Lyeying, Kiakuang, Yewzheng, Weilin, Kokseng, Kevin, Chiewkhim, Yoongyen, Chonglee, Karloon, and many more... We should have a gathering before we all really gonna move out of Taiping. I really hope i can finish this semester as soon. Really hope!!!

My story this few weeks~~

My story this few weeks~~

Think....

Today just went to mid-valley watched 2012 with my colleage... Was thinking will 2012 is the end of our life? Nothing can overcome this gigantic natural disaster? If im one of the cast such as Dr.Helmsley, who brave enough to argued with Mr.Anheuser for the humanity of the United state citizens where all of them fighting each others for life due to small portion of citizens only allow to enter the spaceship, perhaps survive? Or i'll be like Jackson curtis who care for his loved one and chilrens, and run back his wife(Kate curtis) home to save them without any selfish thinking? The moment i watched this movie, from the start till the end, the tears were keep on pounding around my eyes, i felt that maybe the day will come, this movie is just warn or alert to us where is the time for us to care our loved one and encourage the people to start care our earth without any pollution making... If im one of the cast, Jackson curtis will be my cast where trying to save his ex wife and childrens although they are divorced. True love really hard to find actually, no matter where are you, what are you doing. Or maybe is the time for me to find a true love in the college and waiting for the doomsday to come. For sure i will hug and hold my loved one tightly, and run for life, and maybe we can sneak into the ark of the spaceship of its hydrolic chambers although is illegal without purchasing the ticket. I'll try my best to save my family members as well because family easy to break but not easy to bond. Maybe after we enter the spaceship safely, there's another disaster is coming towards our spaceship? Will you ask yourself one day if the doomsday is around the corner what will happen? Will you still survive or disappear in this world and of course this prediction may or may not true, but it might be a warning for us that is closer of doomsday. For me, i'll cherish what i have now and no more regret in future. I know i should do that, still remember what Mdm.Wong had said, the moment problems come to you, stop complained and blaming each and everyone. Asked yourself how to overcome this problem but not why the problem is come to me. This is a fact, maybe i should learn from this moment and don't complain to other people about why he/she gave the problem to us. I hope i can do it...>>Cherish what you got, protect your loved one(your true love) include family members<<

Bore~~~

Today, im a bit moody....because i don't know why i've no mood to do lab report...although there's only left 5reports...i shouldn't be so lazy to do it, but i really no mood. I've no idea why? Tomorrow i have mathematics mid term exam, another headache because i not prepare well recently. Next week is my last week, and december is coming new month, all my pocket money getting exhausted...==''' I hope i strike 4D or damacai then i have plenty of money to spend on food...just for food only that should be enough for me. My head turn here and there and felt very very boring. Today i've asked my friend to bought some cereal and milk for me...i realized these few week i've spend a lot on the cereals and milk. Should i spent less on those food stuff or pay for it? Is it cereal is more cheaper and healthy food compare to cafeteria food since cafeteria food is so expensive and not hygienic?? It happened when i went to the western food corner to order No21 (i don't know the title of the meal so i just mentioned No21 everytime i order=='''), it comprised of rice, fried chicken chop and egg with black pepper sauce. Each and everytime i ate, i found that the egg contained egg shell...Omg, such food can just sold to a student and the student might have stomache just because of the egg shell. So next time i buy i will just replace the fried egg with french fries (atleast no egg shell). And for my friend over here in nilai college please take note for the western food corner EGGs. Im a bit worried that my family couldn't afford to pay my next semester fees since my ptptn money is not bank in to my account and financial is always a big problem waiting to be solve. I really wish i can strike 4D number, not too much, i just need 10,000$ just for me to settle my insufficient food stuff...lol. 4more weeks i'll be going back to raintown to meet my family and my dear friend...what i promised to organized a big big party for you all i'll not forget....and after this i know all of you may leaving and go to other place to work, study, travel....i will very miss you all after the gathering...so please make sure next year cny we still have chance to meet each other and hug each other...i've to pen off here...................

Fight for mid term later....^^

I studied until i have the feeling to vomited....is it very hard to study a subject constantly or what??? Sometime i really get frustrated when i look at the lecture....why is it so many thing need to be cover and there's only 7weeks for us to cover those lecture of subject per subject.....Oh my god. now 3.20am, i feel that my block is very quiet accepted my neighbour who watch tamil movie with loud speaker. Do you feel angry or frustrated since he know that everyone is sleeping and he's still wanted to screw everyone to get up for nothing just to listen to his movie sound effect???=='''' I can feel that some individual is constantly move on but for me im still in the same place which i do not moved any step to get forward. Is it i can't follow their steps or just im slowing down for myself take a deep breathe to forward? I hated escherichia coli, only one microorganism it contained so many virulence properties. For example like enteropathogenic escherichia coli (EPEC). I think the scientist wanted to gave us difficulty in understanding his/her research where his/her gave so long and strange name since it is just a tiny or minute microorganism. I really fainted when i moved to next slide which i couldn't stand for the virulence properties. Next time if i've a chance to create microorganism, i will name my organism such ''enterobacillus ongitis coli salmonella citrobacter................^^'' I will followed their step to gave plenty of difficulty for the student to study....wakakakaka...am i bad enough?? I've just covered the E.coli part, but worse still i have summore 4species to covered now....Amen............................wish me luck once again.....@~~@

today's mood~~

Today i've no mood to study micro...feel like lazy wanna follow up the lecture, when i sitting and look around my room....feel like stay single also a bit lonely...how lonely...? Nobody chatting with you, nobody talk ''gag'' with you. You should know the meaning of gag when you watch TVB drama ''Moonlight Resonance''. And 2moro have micro mid-term test, it is 1hour paper, maybe because this sem is a bit rush that cause me start to slow down...lazy~ing, all my exam result have sudden drop and can't imagine what's going on with me. Just now i met Mdm kasthuri, she said this sem i have one step behind other, and what i wrote in the bloodbank midterm was all the grandmother story. She said''omg...when i look at your paper, i almost fall asleep...^^ This sem our batch exam paper is the most sleepy one''. Somehow i felt relax when i've singing alone with the nice song where sing song followed by another song....i love the music tunes and it really can let a person in very comfortable position and forget all the stressssssssss.... Today after 5pm i went back room, was thinking take a nap then 6.30pm wake up and do my reports. But i wasn't, i overslept till 7.35pm....I don't know why these few day i very rely on my bed and doesn't want to get up...telling myself 5more min 5 more min to take some nap, then end up woke up very late and i almost become lazy bum~~~nilai is really boring and nothing to do beside study study study, the reason i like nilai is because it is really peace and very quiet during friday where everyone is going back to their hometown...that time not feel lagging of the wireless line...nobody will shout suddenly at 2.00am...nobody will switch on the loud speaker during midnight time...^^....many report and assignment and lecture need to be follow up soon....i hope i will done by this week......no joke....^^....wish me luck~~~

realized this world is somehow cruel than human

Today, a bit tired due to the staining....i was thinking this sem what pointer i will go for....will i be still 3.0above???or i will drop....because this sem i really can't concentrated...i was too concentrated on my maple....how could i let my study a side and no more concern about it.....i should get to know study is freaking important in my life. I know that during secondary study im not hardworking as others.....and now i am so hardworking to boost up my cgpa...i've try...really!!! No jokes..... I was so envy where all my friend who's top scorer...they are really putting efford inside and did not requested for anything back....as in Anime Fullmetal alchemist said...''等价交换''....it means what you have put efford inside should get any pays back.....it does make sense. But in this reality world, it is not. What efford you put the god doesn't pays back what you should get. And i started to know that put efford doesn't means that we should get back what we need..... atleast we are enjoying and appreciated it what we've done. That should be enough for most individual. And although maintain or achieve distinction result is my one and only hope when i enter the MLT course....i will still considered this is my goal to achieved...and if this sem cannot boost my CGPA, i will try in next semester. I know that if i really put efford, the god will take care of us...i really miss my friend in raintown...my parent...my sibblings.....my best friend who's fighting for their coming STPM.....i really miss you all did you know that??i wish i can back home as soon as possible...i want back to my home sweet home...i want to kiss my dog lips...i want to lye on my sweet bed without any stress!!! i want to eat nice breakfast...i want more and more and more~~~~~~~~~~~~