Home... Never ever leave you again. <3

I always over confident and told to my friend to get the best result for my degree level studies. Putting so much of expectation and hopes before I came to the places that are only belong to Caucasians and Europeans. 

Landed, unbelievable when stepped on the floor. Saw the people with blond hair, talked with British English with their conversations. Yeah, this was all the dream that I've been dreaming of however, I will never better than them, gave up myself when knowing this is all the task and mission that I must overcome. 

I will remained silence even though they repeats trampled on me.. Sad and disappointed about all the story that really does happened on me and I can't do anything to console myself. Being so speechless ever since I'm here.. No friends are around me. No more... 

Suffering from examination and coursework last few months. 

Been giving myself so much excuses to stop my pace," I'm not going to move on, I need to stop right there. Just give up.. Stumbling rocks everywhere". Hurt my loved ones and I know they will not give up on me even though I disappoint them. 

Been sacrificed so much of time to spend on my revision yet wasted the time just like opened the water pipes and let the water streamed endlessly. 

Tried to study as much as possible before entering the exam hall. This is what we called death throes. prayed for so many times before entering the exam hall.

Crying for the papers when returned to my room. Scolding and regret on myself that not doing my best during the examinations and blamed everything that I ever could.

Recently, prayed hard and hoped for the best outcome of my test results, but just feel too worried on everything. Talk to my loved ones with thorns and hurt them (...The evil of sarcasm). Please accept my apologies on hurting you and condemn me if you really do.

But yes, with blessing of God. Now, have so much of freedom and will summon back to my home sweet home. My parent, that I can't wait to see them, my sister that willing to be my listeners and hear all ridiculous thingy... And the very last... friends.. I've been waiting for months to share my experiences with you. Yes you, I mean you.. 

Now then, I'm happy and able to say,"I'm officially graduate". No more books or journals that will haunt me for years.. I am what I am. 

You had my blessing if you read this... :)

God bless.

Post cultural shocked.

More than seven months I've stayed in Bristol, eighty percent culture adapted. Only two things that make me feel catastrophically unbelievable, which are smoking and high volume from speaker. As far as I know, lung cancer still remains at TOP 5 UK worse prognosis disease and high death rates. I was wondering what about deaf?

I'm treating them good in such a way that I'm not complaining to the security about the sound pollution that released from speaker, in return, I still can hear more louder and louder music besides my room after I requested to lower down the music. Is that mean you're showing your true colour? Finally? 

I bet you guys will never experience the obstacles that will turn you from childish into mature. Yeah I mean you, whites. Come on, you old enough and should behave like a man not a boy. Isn't it straight forward very common in whites? From the past, people always have some kind of positive imagination where lots of "gentleman" in UK. To be honest, well yeah there is gentleman in UK but only about thirty percent because over seventy percent of the guys are idiotic and act like babies craving for lactational milk.

I shouldn't have this blog updated because I need to concentrate on my revision, however, no one will revise their note more than twelve hours a day. Now I couldn't sleep as melatonin elevated and adrenaline raised as well. Adrenaline levels raised dramatically not for revision, is my coming examinations. 

Tough or tougher?

It is 11th March, March? I didn't even notice it was March since 4 assignments and one presentation had haunted me since February. How you guys? Sorry for keep you waiting...

Indeed, while I'm writing this post, my project is still halfway done. And guess what deadline fall on next Tuesday which left 2 more days for me to get the hell project done. I've been gone through many sadness and cried for whatever I'm suffering, I've been incredibly worry about what coursework marks do I have and how to tackle the final exam only to pass my modules?

It is definitely different marking system in United Kingdom compare to our "lovely country" Malaysia. What can I say about the education system in Malaysia? Well I'm not allow to do that since election is around the corner. Erm.... Shall I working after graduate or stay at home to have few months of honey moon mood while waiting for the resume accepted by employer?

Time flies, waiting the Europe trip with my friends and of course souvenirs for my loves one. My journal in UK will be end in July, happy for summoning back to my home sweet home; sad? Yeah sad for not having the lovely 4 seasons weather. Probably the next time when I'm here, neither postgraduate studies nor working, but again say Hi to the building that I seen before; go through again the pedestrian path that I walked before; snapshots on the passing cars before the traffic light turns red; have my white chocolate mocha again with plain croissants; how lovely is the life in UK beside the studies that have tremendous terrifying us for about a year.

To be honest, I'm sad for leaving UK in July... What about you? Are you happy in your Country?... Will update soon, I shall returns. :)

Pray hard, fingers crossed

I've been stayed in Bristol since last week, jet lag? No. Homesick? Yeah a bit. Adapt to culture? Not really. Food? No comment. Course modules? Arghh, when is final exam going to end.. Indeed, I shouldn't be complaining all those and shall adapt very smoothly... I should know that the course modules will be tough since third year entry and all the Professor and Doctor expect you know everything with no difficulty. Exceptionally, can I boost up all my basics before going to start those level three modules?

I'm really frustrated on those with discrimination on Asian who direct entry to third year. What else you want me to do? Three years in UK? Yeah if I born in rich family like you of course I wouldn't be here to studied with you guys and don't expect you'll to accept me in the class. You can voice up I don't mind but please don't use your discrimination eyes look on me. Is very disgusting, I know you guys must be thinking what proof to let you entry to third year level, well I've completed my Diploma studies and collaborated between my college and university, simple as that.

I've been dreamed off to come to UK and yeah succeed. But still I've treated with unexpected and disappointed by some people. Isn't it UK is a lovely country with nice British people? Why still some of discrimination and racism still existed? My flatmates treat me so nice and finally I've relieve from bad circumstances that I had faced.. I hope the next few months I can adapt everything including my studies.

This blogged is designed to my friends with name Tinaye and Emily who studied with me together during our college time. I finally realized how hard to be an international student and have to withstand all the tough time as well as depression and it is not easy to study in foreign country as what we think. Wholeheartedly I have to apologize with both of you if I've did anything or said something that cause depression or sad.. Forgive me my friends. I hope both of you doing great and keep in touch with me even we're in different country. Do remember our friendship will keep going and bonded strongly...

Prayed hard for you and for my studies...

Ruthless theory

Account of so many obstacles and troubles that I had faced, realized where I'm a new generation or creation of god known as imbecile. Realistic of this world is the fact, why am I still ignorant? Existed of few kinds person in this world, hard working, lazy, lazier, and laziest. All around me is what I mentioned as laziest person. They just know belated efford and never think of others? What kind of idiotic people are they? Hope you guys condemnation yourself and don't for those who not.

Besides, our new generations spoilt by their parent and this getting worse. All the kids can get what they want but not with hard works to achieve their goals? Reap without sowing best described them. Why the parents still unrepentant and spoil their kids? Guys, wake up now? There's no time for you to think in future or whatsoever solution can transform back your well-behaved children, you need to start bring them back to the right way but not unstoppable to satisfy their needs. This is not the right way. Perhaps, all the parents need psychiatrist for treatment and not submit zero depression as their answer on question papers.

Indeed, we need to find out the solution by ourself but not be dependant person. There's some circumstances that we do need your helping hands on our doubt or any other difficulty. Make yourself available on others is not a big deal. Perchance you will be thankful by the one who in needs or more than that. Unstoppable complaints is irritating but I really can't stands for it. Release my tension and imbalance mood on writing on blog has help me a lot. But I really need attention from all the parents and eldest, please know what you doing and amend yourself clearer not to do the wrong things infinite. In that way, proved end of this world not because of doomsday but children and elderly.

Time leap..

Tuesday, 06th July 2011, 11.30pm. Im so lost at this moment, too much of baffle has stop me from moving. I'm helpless and palpitation, will I be able to move on or just stop my pace. I really want to carry on my journey though.

Wake up day after day, occurance on same matter. Find an alternative routes to solve my obstacles? Arghh... god please cleave the barrier for me. I don't want to face the same problem every day. Is just gonna make me getting crazier and crazier.

Just look back on my biochemistry notes. Was so shocked that I forgot those essential points that should be locked inside my brain but unfortunately it simply lost just by using an invisible key. Perhaps, my chicken essence should help me from now since last week I've started to consumed. hehe

Well, should stop typing now. Hands getting sore. Will updates my blog sooner or later.

friendship forever~

Last saturday, my high school friend called me out for gathering. Many humorous incidents happened such as..

he had labyrinth all the way came to my house. Perhaps I provide a terrible guide (=.=''')

met another funny guy... can't believed he sang english songs... guess who?

when for snooker where I just sat there for nothing while watched them playing.

we went for singing and enjoyed what we sing and what we laugh..

During the time in snookers club, many happy moments that I had during my life in high school (5Sc2) were flashed back on my mind for a sudden. I keep looking on both of them, I felt so happy that our friendship will just get bonded strongly but not repelling each other. I knew that from time to time, most of us will be study in somewhere else and some of us will be working so hard. [craving for money to buy our desire items??]

Meanwhile, I feel so excruciation and sad about leaving you guys for pursue my studies in this September. Should thee remember me or not remember but please... don't break any communication tools or applications that I still can follow up your life whether you at where, happy, sad, or whatever..

Is June 2011. Which means I left two more months to gather with you guys. I hope that's enough for me to meet you all. Not much of extravagant hopes I have now, just hoping our memories can keep forever in our mind [crossed fingers]. I don't know whether you guys will erase the memories and throw into your trash can. Nevertheless, I don't want and will not do it..

You guys must be wondering where I continue my degree, well I will going to study in University of the West of England. If you miss me much, pay a visit to UK during Winter Season. I'm please to meet you up and again create lots of delighted memory as much as possible.. hehe.. Do drop me a comment as I want to know that you guys still following my blog with expectance.