Heart's being complicated

Somtimes, I would think that this is impossible,

am I fall in Love with you or just my illusion?

Just by heart, things I want to share first will be you?

As arrange, if we fall in love with each other...

friend>lover>argue>friend>Stranger?

I'm worry we will become stranger if we break up from lovers. No more friend?

And I have so many things to worry about, I'm very anxiety.

If I go to UK, will you still be waiting for me? Or you will..

What feeling you have on me? Do you fall in love as i do?

I still don't know how to tell you, I scare you couple up with another guy.

Unexpectedly you fall in love with another guy, Maybe I will just bless you?

This is the first time my feeling is so unstable and unexplain.

Perhaps I not romantics like others but once I fall in love with you,

I will care what you care, I will sad if you sad, I will happy if you happy.

I affraid the feeling towards you will be deplete since distance always cause problems..

I really want to know your feeling on me? In love or just remain friend? At least I hope I can know before I going to uk.

Decision?

I am tired of waiting, with your cool treatment i gain nothing. What i tell to you i told, and result is i felt that you're just play me around and dumb me like a rubbish into the trash can. I am enough of waiting. Now i just want to expel you out of my heart, because i enough of hurting myself waiting an impossible answer. No pain no gain right? Fine.

I don't know how to explore out my feeling now. I really scare what i choose is wrong and hate to have regrettable thinking. What the hell are you in my life. Now get lost and fuck off now, get out of my sight; and i hate myself being so stupid and cowardly and just sacrifice everything for you and you dare to treat me this. What the fuck, i really get pissed-off when i heard about you this few days.

I am going to forget you and start my new life that chase you out of my heart and forever ever in my life. You see, i will do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Confusion~

It's been a time that we talked together, played together, joke together or even study together. I missed those secondary school life much. I missed those day kai wei Argued or fought with Chong lee, i missed those day that we joke around and teased around. Last few day i saw Kitz and Satish, not much changed for them i think. Is just become more mature?

Friends, just a words that tell you a close relationship between people to people; i wish i could summon to the gathering that all of us enjoy together and recall our memories in secondary school life...

My entire brain gone mad and bonkers which related to the one who i like, I couldn't forget you and how am i going to suffle my feeling towards you and delete it!! I cannot make it. Because when closed my eyes, all i thinking is about you. I am tired of it, with your slovenly motion i started to get sick of it.

Can you tell me what i can do now? How to solve the barrier between you and me? Or as i mentioned delete my feeling toward you?? Tell me!!!!!!

My life, my fate...

Living in a very restlessness place is very tired and exhausted, too much to consider in my mind now and plenty of task need me to solve it within the time limit. I am in love with someone that not suppose to in love with. Am i?? I doesn't know how to differentiate which one is true which one is false. And want you to love someone is easy but someone to love you is difficult.

Am i suppose to stop thinking of this person and goes on my life? Who i care the most and i want you to know? But you treat me as nothing... I think i should stop thinking of those unpredictable matter. Im not going to love you anymore.. No more!!!!

I really doesn't know how to differentiate which way is correct for me to go on. And i believe once i choose this way, majority of my family member, friends and so on will leave me.. I really don't want this to happen, but.. I can't force myself to choose this way.. How am i suppose to do now? Although back to my home sweet home yet still care about all this kind of matter. I really confuse plus couldn't forgive my self. I am hoping an angel to consult me and lead me to the right path.. Really confuse~~~

To much changes...

Within few weeks, a lot of thing happenened and all the matter just keep changed and changed. And my college life seems to be come to an end. I left 4+months in nilai. Gonna miss all my coursemate and friends in nilai. All of them will further their study in oversea and some seems to study pharmacy and some further in biomedical science. With our science base can we further in biomedical science? Unless you're genius aren't you? More and more friend keeping leave me and went to further their study.. I wish i could fly back to Taiping as soon as i can to gather with them and at the same time tell them:'' Congratulation to you, must be nice to enter Government University??>.<''.

Before they offer to enter Government University, most of them enter Utar.. What a joke? Utar is just the shelter for them.. Whatever it is.. Just hope all of them can finish their study smoothly. Wish i have a potion which can stop growing myself, and not face so many obstacle... So frustrated with all the assignment and homework especially Malaysian study and Moral study... Guess what? Same lecturer for both subject.

And this semester i will try my best to boost up some CGPA although that's impossible.. But nevermind, think positive.. ''If you think you can, you can!!'' Quite a time i left out my blog.. Now just carry on my blog once i've time to spend on it....

My story this few weeks~~

Today have some free time to write my mood over last few weeks... As i doing my internship in general hospital, finally i can compare the way the staff doing work. When i was in gribbles, i get one meaning, receive sample run eventhough only have one sample, whereas in general hospital the will do the test follow by their mood. Aren't they should do the test once receive the sample? Do the staff knowing that the patient waiting for the result's with worried? The patient could die for some test that doesn't run within the time.

Not to said the staff totally not running the test, is just that if the time is around 1.00pm, as we know that 1.00~2.00pm is our recess time, they will just simply put the sample aside and after lunch time will run the test, and the lunch time on-call staff only 1~2 person, how do i work for general hospital in future?

Time pass very fast, without notice us and is the time for me to decide what i gonna do after complete my diploma level. Should i continue my degree in local or oversea? And is there any oversea university accept my bad result in order for me to persue my degree? Im quite worry for my friend after getting their result and doesn't want to continue their study just because of the stupid STPM results.

''We are born to be clever, but education make us stupid''. This sentense is quite useful in Malaysia as the irresponsible school or form teacher only concentrate on the distinction class and not even border about moderate class, reality of this world really cruel. We should appreciated what we have now and try to gain our knowledge as much as possible.

In this moment i just want go back my home and having a enjoy life because home is our best shelter ever. I want to meet my best friend before they are leaving to university or working.. Weikang, ,Linkeng, Ah boon, Lyeying, Kiakuang, Yewzheng, Weilin, Kokseng, Kevin, Chiewkhim, Yoongyen, Chonglee, Karloon, and many more... We should have a gathering before we all really gonna move out of Taiping. I really hope i can finish this semester as soon. Really hope!!!

My story this few weeks~~